Rock, Paper, Control
The feeling of no control. No control over my mental health, my weight, or my physical health. I like to have things planned and organized because that give me some control in my life. I feel though, like those little things are just pieces of paper with a rock on them on a windy day, soon they to will be out of my control.
I once had control over my health and weight, but that was nearly 14 yrs ago. Each year I advance in age I loose more and more control over those two things. No Dr. or specialist seem to know why.
Back when I had control, my weight would fluctuate but nothing substantial. I was a ball of anxiety and stress back then as well, so nothing there changed. I was more active in those days, doing all the things all the time. Not sure if that was to hide from my brain weasels or having to go home and be around my mother.
In college I had around 4 to 5 part time jobs, 16 to 18 credits a semester, homework for both art and academic classes, a significant other, a flourishing gaming group, an active gym life and much more going on. I felt fulfilled, my mind was still on point as well as my physical health.
But it was around the end of my college life that things started to deteriorate. At first it was hard to notice the changes, but slowly I felt like my intelligence was being deleted and I was being beaten up at night by gnomes. But I pressed on, ignored things and lived life.
And here I sit today. Way overweight, with a mind that is hard to unjumble and a voice no one seems to hear.
I once had control over my health and weight, but that was nearly 14 yrs ago. Each year I advance in age I loose more and more control over those two things. No Dr. or specialist seem to know why.
Back when I had control, my weight would fluctuate but nothing substantial. I was a ball of anxiety and stress back then as well, so nothing there changed. I was more active in those days, doing all the things all the time. Not sure if that was to hide from my brain weasels or having to go home and be around my mother.
In college I had around 4 to 5 part time jobs, 16 to 18 credits a semester, homework for both art and academic classes, a significant other, a flourishing gaming group, an active gym life and much more going on. I felt fulfilled, my mind was still on point as well as my physical health.
But it was around the end of my college life that things started to deteriorate. At first it was hard to notice the changes, but slowly I felt like my intelligence was being deleted and I was being beaten up at night by gnomes. But I pressed on, ignored things and lived life.
And here I sit today. Way overweight, with a mind that is hard to unjumble and a voice no one seems to hear.
Comments